Good stand up comedians make it look so easy – but we all know it must be one of the scariest things to do. Brian Stevens an IT professional for over twenty years is about to embark on such a venture. I asked him to do a Guest Blog and to tell us what’s going through his head as he prepares for his first Open Mike session. Here’s what he said.

Having read about half a dozen comedian autobiographies as well as a few “teach yourself” comedy books, I have to recall why a career in comedy has ever crossed my mind. Having never stood up in front of a crowd and feeling slightly nauseous at the thought of doing so I have to think what the alternative is in my current life. Having despised most of the various jobs I’ve found myself in over the last twenty or more years, I could go on like this forever or I could face my fears and give myself a chance at trying to do the thing that I seem to do without actually trying, which is making people laugh.

I could continually procrastinate by reading “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, “Excuses begone”  and so on, or I could tell people about the day I used my dinner tray in the office canteen to hurry on the girl next to me by gently bumping it against her upper leg when she abruptly turned and roared at me “THAT’S MY BOTTOM BRIAN, PLEASE DON’T TOUCH MY BOTTOM”, causing an uncomfortable stir among colleagues.

I could tell people about the time an elderly lady sitting up in her hospital bed smiled at me from a distance.  I smiled back at her until her smile morphed into a grimace. I then realised she was just sitting up using a commode under the bed covers hoping I’d get the hell out of the ward and give her some privacy.

I could tell people about the visit to my GP to ask about my diarrhoea following my reckless weekend on the lash. He initially gave me a test tube instructing me to leave a small sample with the nurse next door. After I returned, the nurse beckoned the doctor out for a brief chin wag. He then popped back in, smiled and told me that what he actually wanted was a urine sample.

I could tell people about the day I used a petrol engine powered hedge trimmers to rid the back garden of all the stupid looking weeds and things. When my Wife returned I excitedly led her to the back garden. I yelled “TA-DAH!!!”, indicating to all the hard work I’d done. She silently surveyed the garden for about thirty seconds before bursting into floods of tears inconsolably as I had destroyed the beautiful garden she’d patiently nurtured and admired for years.

I could even tell people about the day my five year old son greeted me at his school when I collected him when he shouted “Hi Dad, I love you!” to which I replied furiously in front of all the other parents and children, “Stop right now! You’d better cut that nonsense talk out right now!”, there is a really good explanation, but  it’s a little lengthy.

The thing is – having an arseways view of the World can be terrifying as well as exhilarating.

Taking a “Live in the Now” book literally, meant that on doing so, one morning while home alone I greeted the day with a burst of energy. I bounded out of bed with a roar, then bounding down the landing roaring furiously as a grizzly bear. I eventually heard a voice saying “Brian, are you alright???” It was my brother bringing his new fiancée into our house for the first time.

When the corporate logo of a company I worked for blurted the instructions “Have Fun! Take Risks!”, I took them literally. The results were personally disastrous to say the least. I’m gathering my stories, I must learn to tell them soon….to a scary scary crowd.

Brian Stevens

 

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